Reasonable Dissent

Gravity is a Lie

There is ample evidence in the bible that if you are devout enough and have enough faith, you are not constrained to the bounds of gravity. First, note the ascension of several people into heaven, body and all:

Hebrews 11-5 : By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death; he could not be found, because God had taken him away. For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God.

2 Kings 2-11 : As they were walking along and talking together, suddenly a chariot of fire and horses of fire appeared and separated the two of them, and Elijah went up to heaven in a whirlwind.

Acts 1-11 : Men of Galilee,” they said, “why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven.”

We must not allow the heathens to pollute our beliefs with the “Law” of gravity! For too long, Satan has played a trick on us. Every time you drop something to the ground, expecting it to fall, you are affirming your acceptance of this cosmic trick! We must not doubt the word of God. It is clear in the bible – believe and you can ignore the restraints of gravity. This must be true: we are charged with preserving the earth for future generations. Imagine how much easier we could do this without the need for transportation pollution! The infidels are destroying the planet with their disbelief.

The first step must be to rid our schools of any mention of gravity. First, we must present alternative scientific theories, such as “God did it.” The Law of GDI has just as much scientific merit, and since it has not been shown false, as Newton’s so called “laws” have, it is the most likely explanation. Children should not be swayed by ‘evidence’ to the contrary, as it makes it more uncomfortable to answer their annoying “How?” or “Why?” questions. It may help to discredit science in general, as well. But don’t worry about not using electric lights, computers, cars, etc in the meantime. People don’t generally catch on when you criticize scientific results while using them in day-to-day life.

Next, we should institute government incentives for individuals and groups furthering the reach of the Law of GDI, in order to encourage lower emissions. The more people that believe, the less energy it will require to overcome the illusion of gravity. We’re already tax-exempt, but maybe we could just get some more money in the form of a check, or something. We’ll figure out the details later.

Finally, make it a point any time someone mentions gravity, uses any colloquialism or idiom like “keep your feet on the ground “, or says the phrase “falling down”, to take offense. By accepting the lie of gravity, they are assaulting your beliefs. Let them know how you feel and that they will be going to hell for accepting Satan this way. This tactic is most effective especially when you don’t know them, and they weren’t talking to you. Approach them on the street, if you must. It’s a violation of your civil rights to have someone believe something different than you, if you’re in the general viscinity and you happen to know you’re right and they’re wrong.

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Or, I don’t know, just accept the evidence like we have for countless other scientific results and don’t read everything so literally. I mean, you ignore half of it anyway. But, whatever’s easier for you. Doing that requires admitting that you’re wrong, so that kind of sucks.

Tags: evolution, science